


Under New Mexico Skies

by greekowl87



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s09e19-20 The Truth, F/M, MSR, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 23:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19733626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greekowl87/pseuds/greekowl87
Summary: Set after the fiery scene at ruins and before they end up in the Roswell motel room int 'The Truth', I imagined Mulder and Scully spent an extra night out in the desert trying to play it safe. I tried to imagine how that might go between them. A part of the 50 States of Sex Collection for the New Mexico entry.





	Under New Mexico Skies

**Author's Note:**

> I've never been to New Mexico and I took some liberties as I did with this fic. But I used this [image](https://500px.com/photo/188912485/the-sentinals-by-wayne-pinkston?ctx_page=1&from=user&user_id=5859622) and [these sounds](https://www.wildmountainechoes.com/2017/06/night-sounds-in-a-desert-canyon/) for inspiration in trying to create the setting.

Mulder stoked the fire he had somehow built on the desert floor thanks in part to the survival supplies found in Knowle Rohrer’s black SUV. The dead super soldier wasn’t going to be using the SUV anymore. But being on the run again was nothing new Mulder and Scully, especially when it was them against the world. But this was somehow different for them. There was a sense of isolation and loneliness that seemed suffocating to them. Mulder hadn’t said anything, yet, to her but there was a growing sense of guilt twisted with anger growing inside of him. They should have never taken that first step in the natural evolution of their relationship. Maybe he never should have agreed to be Scully’s sperm donor. What about William then? The idea made his stomach twist into knots. Maybe he shouldn’t have left.

“I’m thinking we should maybe go north after a few days, Mulder. Wait and see what happens,” Scully said.

She opened up the back of the SUV to roll out some old blankets and sleep back to make themselves a makeshift bed. Mulder another some old newspaper balled it up and stoked the fire. Kneeling down, he watched the orange flames dance. “I think I saw some food in the SUV.”

“Just like camping,” Scully smirked. She dug through the bags and produced a half-open MRE. “With the exception of some Tabasco missing and coco mix, we have a meal to share. Seems particular, doesn’t it? But we got chili and mac and cheese to go along with some granola mix. That sounds disgusting actually. Chili in mac and cheese.”

“Did you say something, Scully?”

He saw her sigh and shake her head. “I think there’s enough here for both us.”

“I’m not hungry, Scully.”

“You need to eat something, Mulder. You’ve barely eaten anything in three days much less slept. Neither have I. We need to make sure we take care of ourselves.”

“You aren’t my mother, Scully.”

He pushed himself off his knees and stalked around the fire. He glanced at his partner and saw her pained look before it quickly disappeared between a neutral wall. “Well, you need to eat something.”

“I’m going to take a leak. I’ll be back.”

As Mulder stalked off some distance away, Scully read the MRE instructions quickly and set to preparing their food. She propped the cooking MRE up against the wheel and sat on the tailgate of the SUV. She leaned back and tried to imagine the brilliant night sky light like those stock photos they sold on calendars. It looked like someone had taken a handful of glitter and tossed it across the night sky; she couldn’t remember the last time she had seen so many stars. Her eyes could trace on the outlines of the Milky Way cut through the sea of stars. In the distance, the half moon cast enough light to see the rock formations in the distance in a cool blue glow. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine the warm orange of the ancient formations splashed with light from the fire.

Scully tried to rake her mind and recollect the last time they had been in New Mexico? Maybe after Area 51 when she had found that penny and dime merged together in her bullpen desk. She had that weird coin thing stashed in a box that also contained William’s things and memories of their previous life. What were they now? What was going to happen to them?

She grew distracted by the crickets. Their chirping in mass created a low hum that seemed indistinguishable. Scully became lost in the symphony until she heard Mulder’s heavy footsteps coming back. They eyes met. “You okay, Scully?”

“Fine, Mulder. Just fine.”

“You’re always fine,” he grumbled. He picked up the MRE that had been cooking and offered it to Scully. “Your dinner is ready.”

“Our dinner,” she corrected. She took it and stirred the bag with the plastic spoon. “You treat me as if I am a plague victim.”

“No. I’m not.”

She focused on stirring the MRE as anger began to smolder in her veins. “Then what else do you call it?”

He remained and went back to needlessly focus on the campfire. “What do you want from me, Scully?”

“What are you talking about, Mulder?”

He suddenly stood up and kicked the sandy floor. A wave of dust swirled around him. “To say everything is fine? To go back to how things were?”

“How things were?” she asked exasperated.

“Before I left. Before William.” She winced. There it was. 

“Back to when things were…”

Scully’s voice died in her chest just like any hope she had of them reconciling. She had gone off and done the unthinkable by putting their son up for adoption. She remembered the joy he had holding William for the first time. That brief 72 hour period where everything had come to be everything that they had hoped for. They had a family. There were no government mysterious or black op organizations chasing them. They had fought their battles, survived, and were rewarded for all the hardships they had endured with the child they had dreamed of. Until Kerch came and shattered that dream like a hammer to a mirror.

“Until what, Scully? Say it.”

“Until I gave up William. I couldn’t keep him safe, Mulder so I did the only thing I thought I could do.”

“Send him away from us?” He hissed venomously.

“Yes! Yes, that is exactly what I did. I didn’t know what else to do, Mulder! I had to kill a murderer in my son’s room with him inches away. My mother was physically assaulted trying to protect her grandson. I had no way to get a hold of you. What was I supposed to do, Mulder? What else could I do?”

“You could’ve held on a bit longer! I would have come!”

He kicked the ground in anger and cloud of red rose between them. “Would you? I gave up hope, Mulder,” she shouted at him. Tears were streaming down her face. In the firelight, Scully looked like a dying saint. “I gave up hope! And you? Why won’t you open up to me? Is this punishment for what I did? What did that smoking bastard mean?”

“It’s best you don’t know, Scully.” The distance between them seemed as wide as the Grand Canyon. She tried to choke back her sobs. The MRE contents fell off the tailgate of the SUV onto the desert floor. Mulder cleared his+ throat, put his hands on his waist, and focused into the fire. “Maybe I should’ve let you long ago. Maybe we should have never gone down this road. I can’t bear to see you in pain, Scully. If I could heal you, I would. If I could spare you from having cancer, losing Emily, Melissa...your life…I would.”

“Don’t you dare say that!” She raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face. “Don’t you ever say that.”

Her tear streaked cheeks reflected the light from the fire. His cheek stung and he closed his eyes, savoring it. Mulder deserved it. He deserved her punishment. He deserved to be hated by her. He deserved her wraith. He closed his eyes and awaited her to strike him again.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” Scully asked, pain raw in her voice. “Aren’t you doing to do something?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Be here now. Mulder, I made you a promise long ago. I will always follow you, no matter how dark the path gets. Don’t leave me behind. Please.”

“I’m a plague to you, a cancer.” He scoffed bitterly. “Let’s not forget I gave you cancer.”

“And you were also the only one who fought for me and gave me the cure against all odds. Don’t forget that! You showed me things I could only dream of, Mulder. You made me believe. You gave me the courage to believe, hope, and dream of something more than myself. I love you! Don’t you ever, ever think that you are a burden to me!”

She took a few hesitant steps towards him and ran her fingers lightly up his forearm. The springy hairs were soft and reminded her of a particularly intimated rainy night on the leather couch of his Alexandria apartment. He closed his eyes as her hand grew bolder and began to caress her cheek. “What do you do to me, Scully?” He whispered.

“I want you to remember. And forgive me. I want us to know we still have each other.”

His eyes opened and he breathed deeply. For the longest moment, they watched each other, entranced. The firelight danced across his small smile as he leaned his head back and watched the fingers of Milky Way dance across the purple ink sky. “Heaven,” he whispered thoughtfully.

“What?” Scully arched an eyebrow.

“Anywhere with you is heaven,” he clarified. “I forgot that. These endless months, being trapped in the Arizona desert without you...it killed me, Scully. It was killing me inside.”

“Well, I’m here now,” she told him determinedly. Her hand shook as she rested it over his heart. “And I’m not leaving. You can try all you want. I’m not leaving you.”

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against here's. “Do you remember the last time we were in New Mexico?”

The intimacy enclosed around them and she found herself wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. “Yes,” she whispered.

A coyote howled somewhere off in the distance and the crickets and insects intensified in their humming. Mulder wrapped his own arms around her waist, pulling her litter figure close. It had been so long since he had simply held her and could enjoy the moment. “The UFO. Area 51. I had memories of a leopard print bed.”

“I wish you’d have kept that mirror,” she smiled into his neck.

“You know,” he suggested huskily. “We never tried under a starry night with a campfire. We’ve made ourselves a comfy bed in the back of that SUV.”

“Keep that fire burning and I don’t want either of us driving through the night. We’re both spent.”

It had been too long since she had felt him against her. Mulder nipped at her collar bone. “I want you, Scully, worse than ever. I want to make you sing my name forever,” he continued. His hand curved around her buttock, squeezing it with all his strength. Scully clenched and surged forward. “I missed you.”

She let a trembling sigh escape and looked down between them. How long had it been since she had seen him so inflamed for her? She rubbed up against him. “It’s been too long, Mulder. I don’t know if I have much patience left.”

He walked her backward to the tailgate of the truck until she slid onto easily onto the nest of polyester sleeping bags. His fingers pressed into her firm thighs and he sighed in remembrance of them coiled around his waist with her heels riding him on. “You’re still the strongest person that I know, Scully.”

“I doubt that,” she choked. She forced a smile but as his hazel eyes remained locked with hers. “Mulder.”

“You know I am telling you the truth. Would I lie to you about something like that?”

“No,” she whispered.

Scully leaned back and spread her legs wider. He came closer and simply held her. The desert night was alive around them with the humming of insects. A coyote howled somewhere off in the distance. “Why did you come with me?”

Spotted owls answered somewhere off in the distance.

“I can’t lose you again. When you were first taken, I remember standing there in the desert, staring up into the sky.” Her nose caressed his collarbone as she nodded to the starry sky. “I felt you, Mulder. I knew I was so close but so far. I never felt such emptiness, even while I was carrying William. When you left…”

“I shouldn’t have,” he interrupted. He started to undo the buttons on her blouse. “That way at least you wouldn’t have given up William. We still could be a family. You would still have your son.”

“Our son,” she corrected softly. “Even you had stayed with the same dangers…” Scully took a deep breath. “I would make the same decision and I hope you would have too. I want him to be safe, Mulder.”

He felt that jagged glass caressing his heart and the rage that he was trying to temper. “I know,” he managed.

He started at the windshield of the SUV, past Scully and tried to imagine where William was now. “Mulder?”

“I’m fine.” He distanced himself from Scully’s embrace and leaned heavily next to her against the tailgate. “Maybe I should check the perimeter.”

“The perimeter is fine, Mulder.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “We’re fine out here. Mulder, is it me?”

“No. No.” He gave her a fake smile. “We’re okay.”

“No. We aren’t.” She slid back into a makeshift bed and slowly undid the buttons on her blouse. “Come here, Mulder.”

He felt the longing for her soothe away the frustrations. “Just for a moment, we can forget.”

“And reclaim what is ours,” she finished.

He stoked up the fire first a bit more with the dry wood before sliding back into the SUV. The polyester silk of the sleeping bags was smooth against his hand as he tried to find grip while sliding back into their bed. He caught the amused sparkle in her blue eyes and he shook his head. “Stop laughing, Scully.”

“I haven’t said anything, Mulder.” She moved to fix her shirt but Mulder’s commanding gaze kept her in place. “Do you want this? Do you want us?”

“I want everything about you, Scully.”

He scuttled closer until their thighs were touching. “It’s pretty cramped, huh?” She smirked.

“We’ve been creative before.”

Mulder caressed her cheek trying to remember the last time they had a moment where it was just between them. She kissed him soundly on his lips and pulled away slightly. It had been so long since either of them had tasted one another. Scully lounged against the SUV as Mulder moved closer. He wrapped his arm around her neck to pull her closer and to give her some cushion against the vehicle. “Imagine that fire in here.”

“I don’t fancy a vehicle fire, Mulder.”

“But the warmth,” he whispered hypnotically. “Do you remember the night we did it in front of your old fireplace?”

She closed her eyes as the surge of memory threatened to drown her. Her old fireplace. Did Georgetown suddenly become her old apartment? Was everything she...they had nothing but a distant memory now? She hesitated and Mulder sensed her changed demeanor. “Scully?”

She shivered suddenly as the cool desert air became noticeable. His calloused fingertips traced up and down her back as the last of her shirt fell away. “It’s nothing,” she whispered. “I just realized how distant...final things are. Kind of like realizing things after they’ve been done. Like…” Her voice faded and shook her head. “Nothing. Forget I said anything, Mulder.”

“Tell me,” he whispered.

“It’s not important.”

She shook her head. She could not allow herself to feel or to linger in the past. Suddenly, she was being swallowed and she felt like she was falling into a black cold sea that was slowly becoming suffocating. Falling, falling, falling. No one could catch her. No one could save her. William was gone. Mulder was gone. She was prepared to lose everything. No. Strike that, she had already lost everything. In that moment, she had disappeared.

“Scully? Scully.” Mulder was gently shaking her. She started to unconsciously shake her head as if willing it to disappear. He cupped her cheek desperately whispering her name. “Scully. It’s me. I’m right here. Open your eyes. I’m right here.”

Scully opened her eyes on command. She blinked trying to clear the vision but the nightmare seemed to persist. The orange firelight made the shadows of the back of the SUV and makeshift bed dance. “I’m in hell,” she murmured.

“Scully!”

His voice pulled at her again and she nodded blindly, resting her forehead against the crook of his neck. She breathed heavily as her hands clawed at the back of his black t-shirt. The memories of months alone without him, trying to protect their son, come out like a title wave. She cried his name against the stillness of the crickets. The spotted owl hooted in solidarity. Mulder closed his own eyes, remembering his own nights alone, and simply held her. “I should have never asked you to leave,” she whispered hoarsely. “I wanted to keep William safe. I wanted to give him a normal life. I didn’t know what else to do, Mulder. What was I supposed to do? Did I do the right thing for him? For us?”

Mulder pressed his forehead against her. The cold dry desert air stirred around them. “You did what you had to, Scully,” he whispered. He pressed a heated kiss to a brow, trying to will back his own shame and regret. “You’re keeping our son safe.”

“We did what we had to. Both of us,” she murmured. “We’re not perfect, Mulder.”

“Far from it.” He laughed cynically. “But I’m glad, no, eternally grateful and blessed you have been with me every step of the way, Scully.”

Something changed between them as she surged forward, tightening her arms around him like a web. She kissed him as if she didn’t, she would die. Mulder rocked with her, trying to gain a rhythm. “I missed you,” she gasped. “Every. Single. Fucking. Day.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“We’re here together. Now. I don’t care.” She pushed him onto his back, somehow ripping off the t-shirt in the process. Fresh bruises were scattered across his left ribs. Her deft hands caressed them lovingly as she straddled them. “I wish I could heal them, Mulder.”

“You are,” he whispered.

He lifted his left hand and gently brushed off the open blouse. The sweat-soaked silk bra vanished underneath his hand. Scully’s breath hitched as the cold air hit with new force and goosebumps up her arms and back. She leaned over him, dry humping slowly and enticingly. It had been too long since either of them had felt the warmth or love of each other. Scully squeezed him with her thighs. “It’s been too long,” she told him. “And I can’t wait.”

Mulder’s mind danced with previous encounters. He loved to worship her, mind, body, and soul. He wanted to make it clear in the beginning that it was about her. But tonight was different. Under the Milky Way, the stars to bear witness, and by the light of their poor campfire, he wanted to take her in one draught. With experience, he flipped them effortlessly. The crickets clapped with admiration. 

“Cold,” she murmured, shutting her eyes tight. 

The polyester sleeping bags were cool and Mulder ran his fingers down her side. Her breath hitched as she felt his calloused fingertips grace the puckered bullet wound against her stomach. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

She shook her head and took off his own shirt. She breathed deeply as her cool skin touched his own warm abdomen. That was something else about him, she thought. She entertained a thought that she had not crossed her mind in years before they begin this first foray into each other’s personal space. He was always so warm and alive and it would curl her toes every single time they made love. This time was no different.

“No. It’s fine.”

Scully had imagined this reunion differently complete with a sleeping child in the next room and they would stifle their moans in laughter in a weak attempt to prevent waking a sleeping William. But now that fantasy was gone. Mulder stopped, sensing amiss. “What is it?”

“I just imagined things differently,” she whispered sadly.

They crawled beneath the covers, expertly removing the remains of their clothes, and pulling each other closer. “What did you imagine?”

“A happy ending.”

“Scully,” he started but found himself silenced as she started to kiss him again. Mulder could not remember a time where she was so calculating in each movement as if she was trying to prolong the inevitable despite the fact they wouldn’t lose each other again. “It’s okay. We’re okay. I’m not going to leave you again, never again. It was my fault…”

“No. It wasn’t,” she whispered. “It’s mine.”

“Stop it.” Mulder cradled her. He took a second to admire her long hair and imagine it between his fingers. “Scully, we did what we had to do. Both of us. We need to forgive each other.”

This seemed more deranged than any confessional but never had anything meant anything more. Forgive me, Father for I have sinned, passed silently on Scully’s lips as Mulder pressed his forehead against hers. She could not imagine a life without him. She had tried once and failed. William’s adoption was proof of that.

“Forgive me,” she whispered.

“Only if you forgive me.”

“On the count of three.”

“This seems ridiculous.”

“Trust me. One.”

“I love you.”

“Me too. Two.”

“More than anything.”

“I know. Me as well. If words could express how I truly feel.”

“You’re here. With me. That is all that matters.”

“Three.”

The moment seemed frozen. The firelight danced in the back of their make-shift SUV bed. The moon shone brightly with Milky Way’s fingerprints tracing against the starry sky. The crickets sang with approval, growing louder near them. Somewhere, an owl and coyote joined in together. For years, Mulder amused himself with the untested theory that he and Scully could speak together on an unconscious level, either through body language or psychic phenomena based on how well they worked together. Even now, he counted his blessings.

“Forgiven,” they both breathed in sharing a reverent breath.

Scully was the first to laugh as the tension ebbed away from them. Mulder hadn’t heard that laugh since they went to the moving showing in L.A. “To the moon and back,” Mulder whispered.

“Whatever comes,” Scully answered.

Her fingers raked across his back with her nails leaving marks, claiming him once and for all. Mulder wouldn’t run again. He vowed to never abandon Scully again, no matter what, as long he still drew breath. Even then, if he could from beyond to make sure she was alright, he would. “Never again.”

“Moments like this,” she whispered playing with his long hair, “I wish I could remember forever.”

“I’ll remember for both of us.”

Mulder drew in a deep breath and tried to kiss her as resistant as she was. “Scully,” he whispered, “tell me. I’m here now. I am not going to disappear. I promise.”

The exclusion of their clothes brought familiar memories and sensations, better than any drug or drink that had ever been conceived. He pressed against her and she hissed in sensation. “It’s been too long, Mulder.”

With the ease of old lovers, he rubbed himself up against her before she guided him homewards. She closed her eyes and let the sensations take her. Words escaped her and she could only speak nonsensically. “Like a glove. No. Riding a bike...no. Mulder, help me.”

“Just stop talking,” he whispered. Mulder kissed her, ending the debate. “Just feel. I have dreamed of this, Scully. It’s been so long.”

“Almost a year.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I missed you. I missed this. Most of all, I missed us.”

Mulder bit gently into her shoulder as he began his slow, painful movements. The first wave came suddenly, taking both of them by surprise. But as it ebbed, she crossed her legs around his waist as the roomy sleeping bags. This isn’t what she had imagined as their reunion. Happier thoughts were gone but now, they had the present. Mulder kissed her again, eager to try to give her life, anything to keep her with him. “I’m not leaving,” she promised. “I won’t let you leave again either.”

There was something more magical about this movement. Her eyes rolled backward, ignoring the gray interior of the SUV and tried to focus all her senses on the moment. She saw glimpses of the moon beyond the tinted windows. The Milky Way was cloudy. But the warmth of the fire at her feet, Mulder on top of her moving oh so deliciously, and those damn crickets who seemed to have the best spot in the state of New Mexico. This is where she wanted to be. This was happiness. This was an eternity.

“Promise me, Mulder.”

She clenched, digging her heels into his buttocks, his muscles clenching, and they both held on for as long as they could. Seconds become minutes. Minutes become hours, hours into days, days into months, and months into years. Years at this point were dismissible. This moment was an eternity. They were forever. Nothing that could change their mind about that. Mulder grew in intensity, each stroke becoming more poignant. A crescendo of owls and crickets. announced the oncoming pinnacle of their unity. 

“What?”

“Promise me that we won’t stand divided again,” she murmured.

“Not really the best time.”

“Just promise me, Mulder.” She forced him to look at her. “We can’t change the past. We can only move forward.”

He nodded wordlessly and he felt tears. Mulder did not know if it was his own or Scully’s. “Promise. I promise, Scully.”

A few more strokes were all it took before they screamed into the New Mexican desert air. A momentary silence surrounded them before the chorus started again. Mulder rolled away slightly and pulled Scully against him. She squeezed her slick thighs in memory before their legs and arms entangled. Mulder closed her eyes, kissing the little spot behind her ear. “Think we should shut the trunk?” She whispered.

“Then my feet wouldn’t hang out,” he replied. “Don’t worry, the fire isn’t going to die out. We’ve spent the night in worse places.”

“This has got to be one of the more creative places we’ve done” she smirked.

Scully felt satisfaction, a relief that she had not felt in a long time. “We better get used to it I guess,” he murmured. There it was again. That guilt. “I’m so sorry, Scully for putting you into this situation.”

“Mulder,” she whispered, twisting to face him, “haven’t you learned yet? I would follow you regardless. I do what I want and what I want is you. Nine years and I don’t regret a single moment. I know there are things that you refuse to tell me, Mulder. I understand that but we won’t be able to do this ourselves if we don’t communicate.”

He nodded wordlessly.

“We only have each other now.”

“I know,” he whispered.

Scully searched his hazel in the dying fire. She pressed herself against him and wrapped her arms around him tightly. “We’re going to be okay, Mulder, even if you don’t believe it, we’re going to be okay.”

“Is that your faith in God talking?”

“Faith in you, in us.”

Mulder nodded with closed eyes. He opened them again. “I’ll show you a second time if you are up for it.”

She nodded with a weak smile. “Careful, we still have to drive into Roswell tomorrow.”

“I’m in no rush,” he whispered. “We got all the time in the world. We’ll rent a little motel room and figure out what to do, where to run.”

“We’ll be okay, Mulder,” she whispered. “I know we’ll be.”

“I hope so.” He kissed the fiery locks of her hair. “I really hope so.”


End file.
